COVID-Grief

Grief is a whole-body experience. It’s different than sadness and depression. It bathes our brains in a unique chemical cocktail unlike anything else we’ll ever experienced. So even if we’re not necessarily feeling overwhelmingly sad, those feelings of “not quite right” can still be a manifestation of grief.

Maybe you wake up each morning with a vague sense of dread, unable to pinpoint the exact source of that fear. You feel fine sometimes; grateful, even, for the chance to slow down, spend time with family or hobbies or pets. You walk more, notice nature more, really pay attention to how much you enjoy toast and tea.

But it all feels off, somehow. Everything seems surreal. The events by which you’ve marked the passage of time throughout your adult life no longer exist. Sometimes you feel like you’ve got this – it’s only for now, everything is probably going to be fine. And sometimes deciding what shirt to wear today is just too much.

You have all of the emotions all at once. You’re inexplicably enraged over some things yet totally Zen about others; you cry when the cat doesn’t want to sit on your lap. You’re tired all the time and have trouble staying asleep.

Everything feels unsettling. Like you’re supposed to be doing something but keep remembering there’s nothing to do – nothing that feels like it matters. Most of us aren’t used to sitting still. It’s hard work for which we were entirely unprepared.

You can feel all of this, or none of it, and that’s okay*.

Grief changes us and acclimating is difficult, but this part really is only for now. Later we’ll talk about how we can learn to sit with and move through grief. Today please just know that you’re not alone and you’re not losing your mind.

*If you are having thoughts about harming yourself contact a mental health provider or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-271-8255.