Great Expectations

Growing up, my mother had high expectations. If I didn’t live up to the ever-moving target of her standards, it wouldn’t occur to her to soften the blow of her disapproval. Everything was pass-fail, no in between, no participation trophy for an honest effort. It sounds like I’m spinning a sad tale, but my mother is one of the reasons why I’m a small business owner.

From her I learned single minded focus. How to read a room and give everyone in it whatever they needed to feel at ease. Because of her, I learned to be ruthless with myself.

I have had the pleasure of working with many smart, driven, successful people throughout my career. One of them once told me I am a double edged sword. “We always know where we stand with you,” she said, “and most of the time that’s good. The thing is, you have no poker face. We all know when you’re disappointed.”

I don’t know if it was meant as a compliment, but I took it as one. My perpetually dissatisfied mother taught me to never stop moving, because nothing will ever be good enough. I don’t slow down for those who can’t keep up. Even if I want to, I don’t think I have the emotional capacity or patience. As a result, I am surrounded by high-achieving workaholics. If your feelings are easily hurt and you want bankers hours, I’m not the boss you’re looking for.

When I started my company, my business plan was simple: I know how to do some things, a few of them really well. It may be my Magnum Opus, or it could all end tomorrow. Either way, I don’t have any regrets.

Without my mother I wouldn’t have crippling anxiety or a pathological need for constant reassurance that my friends actually do like me. I also wouldn’t have been fearless enough for this entrepreneurship adventure. She taught me how to be (mostly) impervious to failure. All in all it was a fair trade.

When failure is the only air you breathe for seventeen years, it loses all its sharp edges. My success is built on a mountain of failure. How lucky I was to have learned to fail with tenacity, faith, and a little grace. I appreciate my mother for giving me that.